TCF Rogue Valley Chapter ~ About TCF

In the beginning: the Rogue Valley Chapter

by Betty Pinnock, TCF, Medford, OR

There was no Compassionate Friends, no meetings, no discussions, no place to go until...

In 1979, a group called the Bereaved Parents was formed in Ashland, Oregon. This new group was organized and facilitated by a local counselor/social worker named Francie Morse. She was not a bereaved parent, but she saw the need when a client of hers brought serious grief issues to their weekly sessions.

The young woman's baby son was born with spina bifida and was not expected to live. In those days, before the special wards at Rogue Valley Medical Center, seriously ill infants were transferred to Dornbecher hospital in Portland. It was almost impossible for her to be in Portland with him as there were four other children at home. So she was not there with him when he died and, in fact, learned of his death by phone. This was shocking and terribly painful for her and she turned to Francie for help, which she received.

The Bereaved Parents met regularly, sometimes monthly, sometimes more frequently, in Francie's office, in a local art gallery, in a church, wherever there was space. The need was there and the group grew, which was both fortunate and unfortunate.

The Bereaved Parents group waxed and waned; sometimes only one person attended, sometimes up to 10. Then Francie left for the University of Virginia Medical school where her husband had a teaching position, and the group was left with a serious lack of leadership. The members tried and tried but needed a facilitator.

Soon, the Bereaved Parents became affiliated with the international bereaved parents group, The Compassionate Friends. This affiliation gives access to publications and other printed material, information about regional and national conferences, and best of all leadership training.

The Rogue Valley Chapter of the Compassionate Friends is in direct line with the founders of TCF. The Compassionate Friends was founded in Coventry, England in 1972, through the combined efforts of two couples, each of whom had a youngster die in hospital. The local Vicar sensed a need, connected them with other bereaved parents, and the rest, as they say, is history. In 1978, The Compassionate Friends was incorporated as a not-for-profit corporation.

Locally, the group struggled. We had no regular meeting place and no really trained leader after Francie left. We met for sometime in a classroom in the Smullin Center, a beautiful facility, but not really suitable for the work that we needed to do. The price was right, however, and the facility had been obtained through the efforts of a nurse who was a member of the group.

Later, we moved to the small house on Jackson street in Medford, leased by WinterSpring. This location fit our needs perfectly. It was comfy and conducive to collective grieving and help. We outgrew the space just about the time that the house was sold and both TCF and WinterSpring had to find new quarters.

We are now located at the Rogue Valley Medical Center and meet the first Monday of each month (unless otherwise indicated) in room #1538, located in the Dubs Library. This location is satisfactory, and again the price is right. It seems a cross between the Smullin Center and the WinterSpring setting. It is not really intimate and is without teddy bears and comfy pillows, but it works.

Rogue Valley TCF is collecting a small but well chosen library which has no permanent home except in a large box which travels to each meeting. There is also a picture board with photos of our youngsters and it, too, travels and has no permanent home.

The group now has effective leadership which rotates from month to month and theme to theme. There is a really splendid newsletter, a web site, and monthly meetings. Each July we meet for a barbecue and a balloon lift-off to the memory of each of our children.

Meetings are generally unstructured, although they are often built around a theme. Sometimes we don't get to the theme if there is more pressing work to be done. It is, therefore, a very flexible group, letting each person grieve as he or she needs. Each of us is different, couples different from singles, mothers from fathers, and step-parents from biological parents. All meeting content is confidential.

Rogue Valley TCF participates, through the efforts of Carol Clum and her late husband Alan, in the annual candle lighting ceremony held the second Sunday in December at the Smullin Center in Medford. During the dark December night, the light of hope and love reaches across the world at 7 p.m. local time. The ceremony goes on rain or snow or bright shining stars.

As through its history, the Rogue Valley Chapter reaches out to all sorts and conditions of bereaved parents: parents of suicides, of children young and adult; children who die in auto accidents; a child who falls from a cliff or leaps from a fire escape; children who are killed on bicycles, motorcycles, skateboards; a child who is killed by a train; a child who suffocates in an abandoned refrigerator; children who die in fire, by gunshot, are murdered. The list goes on and on and it seems like a new way of death comes up at each meeting.

The Rogue Valley Chapter of the Compassionate Friends meets the first Monday of each month, unless otherwise noted, at 6:30, at the Rogue Valley Medical Center. (See Meetings for details.) All bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings are invited.